Monthly Archives: June 2010


With bright colors and laughing eyes,

I am the simulacrum of happiness.

My guise of normality is well rewarded

for could you tell it was a facade?

Could you even tell it was a semblance of camouflage

Or were you too busy with your own mask?


With beautiful costumes, feathers, jewels,

We are all just characters of this masque.

So what’s behind your charming visage

of a grinning, benevolent beast?

Take off your mask and I’ll remove mine.

We screen our likeness from even ourselves

When truth is painful

And lies are easy.


Will you give me this next dance

across the floor of our masquerade?




“Pleasure’s a sin, and sometimes Sin’s a pleasure” ~Lord Byron

“i loved everything about you that hurts so let me see your moves”

scrape off this black scar

you didn’t brand it in

perhaps no one did


someone did

I won’t let them say it’s me any longer

it’s them not me

but I used to believe them so maybe it was me

maybe I am the girl that’s good enough to sleep with

but never good enough to date

too damaged to love but

still appealing enough to share a night

or just an hour

maybe it was me branding myself

holding a smoldering stick of cancer to my wrist

maybe it’s everyone

except you

not you

never you

you’ve put up a charred facade

is it easier

did it hurt

where’s the zipper

take it off

throw it on my floor

next to your clothes

you won’t

you want everyone to believe that’s all there is

but I can still see a fissure of red

you can’t convince me that it’s all black

I see the red

and that red belongs to me

even if only for a moment it’s enough

but if you want

if you could

you can have my scar

to patch your seam

and I’ll be pure red

and you’ll be pure black

then maybe we’ll be



The Demise of Big Butter Jesus

Anyone driving down I-75 in Ohio has seen the 6-story Jesus statue in front of the Solid Rock Church. And if they missed it, well they’re just blind.  It has many nicknames such as Touchdown Jesus because of the way his arms were held aloft to the heavens, signaling a score for God, or my personal favorite, Big Butter Jesus. Because yes, the Lord did look like he was carved out of butter.  The Heywood Banks’ song “Big Butter Jesus” became popular on “The Bob and Tom Show,” a morning radio broadcast that I severely miss because it’s not syndicated in DC. It’s alright, I’ve found the Kane Show out here.

Jesus in flames

Well, Big Butter Jesus met his demise late last night when a bolt of lightning (probably from Zeus) struck his right hand and sent him up in flames. The church’s auditorium next door suffered minor smoke and fire damage. For the most part, only Jesus and his cross went up in the holy pyre.  I find it amusing that Hustler Hollywood sign for the adult store across the street went unmolested. What I find more amusing though are people’s reactions. One guy said something along the lines of “Of all the things that could have been struck, I just think that that would be protected. … It’s something that’s not supposed to happen, Jesus burning” (Levi Walsh, It was a giant statue made of Styrofoam and wood; of COURSE it would burn! Did you remember to bless it? Maybe that’s where things went wrong. Or maybe the firemen ran out of holy water when trying to smother the flames of righteousness.

Where's the faith???Oh I’m just having way too much fun with this. The irony just tickles me. People can’t believe this could happen to a church. So nature is supposed to follow your beliefs as well? It’s a high point; it’s going to attract lightning. I think it shows a lack of faith when churches crown their steeples and crosses with lightning rods. Practical, yes, but since when has religion in our time ever been practical? Well, more like, when has religion in our time ever been reasonable? But these are the people who are supposed to be examples of faith. Why do they need lightning rods? Big Butter Jesus, that’s why! God is angry at their misuse of his name, his word, and his image. So he rains down judgment in the form of lightning. AWESOME.

I would just like to conclude with “NO GRAVEN IMAGES.”  Jesus, don’t you people pay attention to the one book that you actually read? Unless you’re Catholic, then you’re not encouraged to read it, but have it spoon fed to you during Mass.

As I’ve stated before and it’s clearly obvious in this post, yes, I have a beef with organized religion. Mostly because of the fanatics and nutjobs and cults. You don’t need a church to worship in. You don’t need 6-story statues that looked like they were carved out of butter to worship to or show some sort of status: “My Jesus is bigger and butterier than your Jesus!” Think of all the money wasted to make that statue. I believe that I read somewhere that it was around $250,000. What else could that money have gone to??? Homeless shelters, battered women shelters, after-school programs, soup kitchens, starving children in Africa, starving children in any of the projects of any city in the United States, natural disaster reliefs, the list goes on and on and on. Stop trying to broadcast the fact that you’re a Christian and actually try to be one. Why is this such a hard concept to grasp???

Check out the video of Heywood Banks’ song with the footage of it burning. Pretty amusing:

Oh, one last thought. Maybe God wiped the statue from the face of the Earth because there was already a Touchdown Jesus at Notre Dame. There can only be one TOUCHDOWN JESUS!

I don’t wanna grown up, I’m a Toys’R’Us kid…

Maybe we never really grow up, but we just get better at being lame. Think about it. Being an adult definitely has its perks: work (if you like your job), alcohol, pretty clothes and shoes, driving, parties, ice cream for breakfast, cereal for dinner, sleepovers with whatever friends you want. But is also has its suck-fest qualities: work (if you don’t like your job), paying bills, doing responsible things like working out, and not really having ice cream for breakfast. All the things that are great about being an adult stem from our childish desires. And that’s not a bad thing at all. Most children are happier than most adults. So maybe the key to happiness is to handle our adult responsibilities and then revert to our childish ways–pay the bills and then go outside to do cartwheels in the sunshine or shoot some hoops.

There’s an episode of Friends where Rachel is embarrassed to run with Phoebe because Phoebe runs like a kid, arms flailing about, legs every which direction, and a huge grin on her face. Of course, Rachel being the typical adult is incredibly embarrassed at first because people are starring and judging.  Phoebe tells Rachel that she runs like a kid because running was actually fun as a kid. So Rachel tries Phoebe’s way, and she loves it! It’s freeing, and she says she feels so graceful (except that’s when she runs into a horse).  But the point of this tangent is that even adult activities that we lame-down with our adult lame-ness can be rejuvinated with child-like joy if we can let go of our adult insecurities. Who cares who’s staring at us while we run like maniacs?! Let them stare and be jealous because as long as you’re happy, then you’re free!

I particularly enjoy riding bike and going down hills, sticking out my legs to both sides and yelling “YAHOOOOOOOOO” all the way down. Hills are SUCH a new experience for me since Indiana is flat as a pancake. They’re fun to go down, but killer to ride back up. They make exercising fun!

Making drinking games to Disney movies is also another tried and true way to combine your adult and inner child for a night of giggles with friends.

Also, bonus love points to anyone who can sing the full Toys’R’Us song!! Don’t cheat and look it up you bad kids!

Just a tiny update

Sorry no posts have come up as of late. Struggling with a lot of things right now. Mainly finding a new job and depression. Won’t bore you with the details. Just keep your fingers crossed and maybe say a little prayer for some luck to come my way?

I just need to keep telling myself that it’ll get better. It will get better.   … It has to get better, right?…