Tag Archives: famine

Preparing for the Apocalypse

University of Denver. Bike racks. Taken by moi

The Apocalypse is surely coming. Yes, I know that doomsday theorists have been around and popular for hundreds of years, but I firmly believe that the end of the world will happen in our lifetime. Just look at DC in the past year. We’ve had a record blizzard, record heat, record earthquake, and yesterday a storm that knocked out most of the power in the DC/Maryland area. And THIS kid does NOT like power outages.

Yesterday afternoon and last night it was sort of fun. Beth and I lit all the candles in the house, played around with our disaster backpack (I wore a hardhat for awhile), made shadow puppet shows on the wall, and generally giggled and played with the flashlight. Downsides were: I was in the middle of baking bread int he bread machine, so it didn’t rise all the way and is very doughy-still edible though; I was in the middle of laundry, so all of my whites load had to hang dry and is all stiff this morning; the roof leaked and I had to move my entire closet out into my bedroom and call the maintenance guys in. There is now a bucket in the attic and a promise that someone will come out to fix it soon. But come’on Pepco. This is sort of ridiculous now. A third of Montgomery County’s street lights aren’t working? Over 220,000 residents don’t have power?? This might take several days to remedy?!?!?! Not cool, Pepco, definitely, not cool. Do you KNOW how hard it is to get ready in the morning by candlelight with no hairdryer or straightening iron?!?! I didn’t even attempt to put on make-up in the flickering candlelight. All this power-outage stuff has made me realize that the Apocalypse might not be the fun anarchy I once thought it would be.

Yes, I am one of those people that absolutely cannot WAIT for the zombie uprising. Beth and I have plans, weapons, and tactics all thought out. We have several scenarios based on different variables for when the flesh-eating walking dead come out to play, and we’re both very much looking forward to it. I need a few zombies and a little anarchy to relieve some of the stress that’s been building up over the years. There’s nothing like running through the streets with a sawed off shot-gun or machete, hacking your way through a swarm of oozing, groaning predators, to make you forget about bill payments, student loans, and ex-boyfriends. But even if the apocalypse doesn’t come in the form of zombies (God I hope it does), it’ll happen some other way in our lifetime. Nuclear war, comet, natural disaster, gamma rays from a dying neighbor star lightyears away, famine, disease, biological warfare, alien invasion–the possibilities are endless. And I’ve definitely been watching too many shows on the History and Discovery channels about this. I just want it to be one of the possibilities where I survive the initial majority of the population being wiped out so that I can have a little fun among the anarchy before I too perish. Of course, with my luck, I’ll be the first to get the disease, or in the city that the bomb is dropped/the asteriod hits, etc.

This recent power outage has made Beth and I realize though that we are not as prepared as we once thought we were. I got bored almost instantly yesterday and annoyed her into entertaining me. We also realized how much we rely on electricity to make food. (Oh yeah, yesterday morning, we just went out and stocked up the fridge again. Aaaaaand we’re probably gonna have to throw it all out. This is the thing that irritated me the most about this whole lovely experience.) I’m really not adjusting well to this no electricity/caveman situation. Of course, except for the food part, the things that I’m disliking most about this power outage won’t really be an issue when the end of the world comes. I won’t have to get up and still try to look professional for work; I’ll just hack my hair off, be dirty, and love every minute of it! And I won’t be bored when I’m trying desperately to survive. I just have to figure out the food part. Hmmmm time to read survival strageties and how to eat in the woods, etc.

So basically, when it really is the end of the world as we know, I’ll feel better than fine. 🙂