When it comes to marijuana, it’s only okay to joke about it. But tell someone you used to hit the reefer in college, and WOAH! Suddenly you’re a hoodlum that fuels the drug cartels and gang violence. Well I’m here as a past user and connoisseur to stick up for this leafy little plant.
I’ll start my case off by stating that, yes, I am a PAST user. I’ve come to realize that you can get in a LOT more trouble for it after college, and it’s just not worth jeopardizing my career and future for a few hits now and again. So I’m sticking to my logic and not using again until this herb is legal. And yes, I would be using it medically and not for recreational purposes.
I have suffered from depression since childhood and have been on anti-depressants since I was fourteen. And every few years, my doctors and shrinks would have to mess with which brand I was taking or up the dosage because the drugs kept losing their effect. I would have at least one depression cycle a year. And when I say depression cycle, I don’t mean that I was sad for a few days a year. I mean that it would screw with my entire life, usually through my sleep cycle. Sometimes I’d have severe insomnia which was the case my freshman year of college when I watched PBS specials all night long in an attempt to fall asleep [and I now know SO many stupid random facts on soooo many topics because of it]. Other times, I’d sleep up to 18 hours a day like sophomore year when I nearly failed a few classes just because I missed so many of them. My depression is debilitating, and you can’t imagine what it’s like unless you’ve experienced it. It dips below the point of suicide to where I don’t even want to commit suicide because that takes effort and I’d probably just screw it up anyway. I’m the huge germ-a-phoebe and I spent three hours lying on the FLOOR OF MY DORM’S BATHROOM because I just didn’t see the point of getting up. I was content to lay there until I died. Therapy, anti-depressants, and light-box therapy could never control the extremes of my depression and mostly turned the world gray without any highs [pardon the pun] to balance out the lows that I was still experiencing.
So now that we’ve covered that I do indeed suffer from depression, I shall make my next statement. In the three years that I used cannabis, I’ve had no depression cycles. I’ve experienced my bad days or my bad weeks like any other person, but I haven’t had a problem with my weight or my sleep cycles which are the two biggest measurable indicators of my depression. That has been a blessing that I cannot even begin to describe. I believe that the cannabis is the reason.
But enough about me personally. Let’s get down to some business. [None of this was actually researched during the time that this post was created. These are all facts and knowledge that I’ve gained over three years of regular use. If I wanted to write a scholarly paper or submit to a medical journal, I’d do research and cite sources, but this is just a blog meant to bring a little enlightenment to those who don’t know much on the subject. I deeply apologize if something is a tad bit off. ] Cannabis was first made illegal in the early 17th century in Jamestown Colony, VA. Why? Because hemp was a competitor with the South’s booming cotton industry. And cannabis is one of those miraculous plants that can grow just about anywhere, including the north. In an attempt to rid cotton of its competition, Southern politicians slapped a Hispanic name on it and used propaganda to spread the word that marijuana was used by blacks and Mexicans and caused insanity, criminality, and death. I love F.D.R, but he’s the one that first crafted a national law making cannabis possession illegal via an unpayable tax on the drug. And the propaganda has stuck all these years. Well it’s time to break that!
Cannabis is much less harmful to the body than the legal vices, alcohol and tobacco, are. It is also impossible to overdose on cannabis. PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. And it’s not physically addictive. Mentally addictive, maybe, but that also depends on the type of person using cannabis. Cannabis is less harmful than alcohol or tobacco is mainly because it doesn’t poison the body and it’s not altered in any way. You pick the buds off the plant, let them dry a bit, and smoke them. No fermenting, no adding rat poison and god only knows what else. It’s pure as God intended it to be. Now I’m not particularly religious [although I am spiritual, but I’ll probably talk about that in another post], but I do believe that cannabis has religious value. It brings the mind to a calm place that’s divine for yoga and meditation. One of my former roommates loved doing Bible study and worshiping while stoned. Despite popular belief, you can get things done while baked. I find logic problems and crosswords to be extremely amusing while enjoying the pleasures of reefer. It takes me a little longer to do, but the answers are still correct when I check them sober. Many of the stereotypes of stoners are actually false, while some remain very VERY true.
Stoners are lazy. SO FALSE. Yes, it’s easy to get sucked in to the TV because you’re not as good at multi-tasking when you’re high, but once you set your mind to doing a task, it gets done. Finding the motivation can be tricky, but that’s any college kid. I loved taking walks or bike rides while baked. It feels nice to use your body and appreciate clean air when you’re in a euphoric state.
Stoners don’t get anything done or don’t amount to anything in life. So many musicians and comedians are baked most of the time, and they have crazy busy schedules. I stayed on the dean’s list at an academically challenging school while smoking at least once a day. In fact, about 75% of my university smoked regularly. Some failed out, but they were going to fail whether or not they smoked reefer. Michael Phelps smokes weed, and he’s got how many Olympic gold medals?? And I can almost guarantee that Shaun White lights up. I mean, COME ON! He’s a snowboarder. And isn’t his super secret snowboarder camp in Colorado? [This is just conjecture at this point. Don’t quote me here; I’m trying to be light-hearted and humorous.] They have the BEST bud there. Oh, and in Canada too. Primo weed in the north.
Stoners are stupid or “Duuuuude, where’s my car???” The weed doesn’t make you dumb. It just happens that a lot of dumb people smoke it. A lot of dumb people drink too, and they just get dumber with alcohol. Try talking to a 4.0 Poli-Sci or Philosophy major who tokes. I promise you that they can STILL kick your ass in logic, even while baked. Moderation also helps. There is a point when everyone just starts to giggle, but that usually takes a lot unless you’ve got some REALLY primo bud.
Stoners say dude a lot. Dude… it’s true. There’s just something about the way it rolls off the tongue. Groovy is a most excellent choice as well.
Stoners get the munchies. You have no idea how good your favorite food really is until you’ve enjoyed it while high. I can’t even describe what’s different, but it is. OOOOooooOOOooh yes it is. Food is glorious.
The facts boil down to this. Marijuana consumption makes you hungry, sleepy, and happy. What is wrong with any of those things???? These are basic survival needs!!! Cannabis calms nausea, alleviates pain, and floods the brain with dopamine. These are all reasons why it’s prescribed to cancer patients. It balances out the side-effects of radiation. It’s not a cure for cancer, but it makes the cures we have a lot more manageable. Cannabis is also a great cure for menstrual pains. It also makes sexual climax easier for a women while making it harder [no pun intended] for a man, allowing a women to have multiple orgasms before her partner climaxes. This last statement has been thoroughly tested and approved by this blogger.
Here’s what you can get medical marijuana for:
- AIDS wasting
- neuropathic pain
- multiple sclerosis
- chemotherapy-induced nausea
- movement disorders
- bipolar disorders
- anxiety disorders
- dependency and withdrawal symptoms
- symptoms of anorexia and agitation in Alzheimer’s patients
So there you have it. It hurts the body less than tobacco and alcohol. It heals the body and mind in so many ways. It was initially made illegal because it was a competition to cotton. It’s unaltered.
IT’S JUST A PLANT.
So come on United States government. Cut your people a break and legalize cannabis already. I’d really not like to suffer from depression again. But I will because I wish to be a law-abiding citizen. I’ll still fight for it to be made legal though because I truly feel that the benefits outweigh the dangers of this delightful little plant. For more details watch “Totally Baked: A Pot-U-Mentary.”
[And on a side note, I plan to pick a wedding dress made of a hemp and silk blend weave. Isn’t it pretty?!?!]